#108: How to use tonality and body language when you’re put on the spot!
The Communicate to Influence Blog
My first employer was Daiwa Securities back in 1990. I never forgot the interview with the Japanese head of the dealing floor who’s name I have long since forgotten, and Paul Nelson, the Head of Bond Sales and my future boss-to-be. Nelson was a product of 1980’s Salomon Brothers and the days of Liars Poker. He was legendary in the markets and as obnoxious as he was smart.
The Japanese head asked me congenial questions about my past and who inspired me (I responded Bruce Lee), before Nelson leaned forward and in a combattive tone stated:
“I don’t want to hire any useless graduate trainees but HR has told me I have to choose two. Why are you any better than any of the other useless XXXXXX’s that I am interviewing?!”
My response was instinctive as I had not prepared for such a question delivered in such an aggressive manner. I leaned forward and with similar tonality I used Nelson’s words back on him:
“Because I’ll make more money for you than any of the other useless XXXXXX’s!”
Nelsons immediate response was to lean back and relax. He seemed to accept my reply and a week later, I received an offer for one of the two available graduate trainee positions.
I have often reflected on that single response because I am convinced it’s what won me the job. It wasn’t what I said in reply to Nelson that mattered (the words), but how I said it (my tonality and body language). These three constituents of communication; words, tonality and physiology, and their respective sub-components, when used correctly are what comprise effective communication.
The environment I was being interviewed for; a bond dealing floor, was a high octane, stressful and aggressive one full of people with high ego’s and alpha personalities. Decisions need to be made in split seconds and fortunes were made and lost in that time. Nelson needed to see how I responded to the unpredictable, in a stress environment so he simulated that in his questioning style.
My response was to mirror back to him how he had hurled the question at me and fortunately, I showed no fear or panic (despite feeling both). I compare this to the final of 17 interviews I had with Goldman Sachs during the same period where I was asked “what societal benefit does dealing in bonds offer?” I valiantly tried to build a case for efficient capital markets lowering financing costs which supports business growth and in turn generates employment for the benefit of society.
I never received an offer from Goldman. With the benefit of hindsight the correct response would have been something like “Who cares? We’re here to make money!” I should have responded in a way that mirrored the environment I was being interviewed for.
When responding to questions therefore, whether in interviews or elsewhere, it serves to consider the following two variables: (i) the nature of the individual to whom you are responding, and (ii) the nature of the environment being addressed. In the Daiwa interview, the environment was the same for both the Japanese boss and Nelson; they both worked in the same dealing room. However, they were very different people and the appropriate combination of words, tonality and physiology to each was different.
If the Japanese boss had asked me the same question as Nelson, it would have been in a more respectful and inquisitive tone: “Why Neil-San do you think I should hire you rather than the other graduates I am interviewing?” to which I would have used very similar words, but totally different tonality and body language.
With prior preparation it should be possible to research and understand the environment so as to know what is expected of you. It’s not however, always possible to know how your counterpart will communicate before a meeting. If you observe their tonality and body language, you can pick up sufficient information to adjust your response accordingly.
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