#136: The Power of Proverbs
The Communicate to Influence Blog
I have always loved the wisdom captured in proverbs. From ancient philosophers such as Lao Tzu, Confucius and Plato, to modern greats such as Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Warren Buffett and John Wooden (some of my favourites), we can borrow wisdom that impacts lives.
Last week I was in Abu Dhabi and met with an Emirati friend for lunch. We discussed many topics, including an Arabic proverb which when translated, says "Tell me who you keep for company, and I will tell you who you are." I have heard many versions of this proverb, I’m sure that you have also; it resonates deeply across cultures and emphasises the profound influence our relationships have on our character, values, and life trajectory.
This proverb suggests that the people we surround ourselves with shape us in more ways than we often realise. It challenges us to consider our connections carefully, as they reflect and reinforce who we are—or who we are becoming. As parents this is critically important; children are easily influenced by peer pressure, so their friends can have a profound impact on their life journey.
As any regular reader of my blog will know, I am a strong advocate of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s work on persuasion and influence. The principle of social proof or consensus, states that one of the ways we make decisions is to observe what others are or have been doing or saying in a similar situation. In a piece of research on teenage smoking, Cialdini found that teenagers are 2400% more likely to smoke if three or more of their friend’s smoke. This quite frankly terrifying finding shows the undeniable impact of social influence.
Human beings are inherently social creatures. From an early age, we are moulded by those around us—parents, siblings, teachers, and friends. As we grow, our peers often take on a larger role in defining our outlook on life. Their attitudes, behaviours, and habits can subtly seep into our own. This is because our brains are wired for mirroring: we tend to mimic and adapt to the people closest to us, consciously or unconsciously.
Returning to our proverb for today, if we spend time with highly motivated and optimistic individuals, their energy and drive will inspire us to adopt a similar mindset. If we instead pass our time with dreamers who never take action, we will find it easier to justify our own inaction.
Michael Caine, the great British actor, once said “I have a policy. I never listen to anyone explain why they can't do something.” He added that it was because he didn't want to be convinced by them. Associating with people who are consistently negative or lack ambition can encourage complacency or pessimism. Thus, our company doesn’t just reflect who we are; it actively shapes our personal growth or decline.
Our closest relationships also influence our values and the decisions we make. For instance, if you value honesty but find yourself regularly associating with people who prioritize manipulation or deceit, their influence may erode your commitment to truthfulness. Over time, you may begin to compromise on what once felt non-negotiable because “everyone else is doing it anyway”. Consider cyclist Lance Armstrong and his fall from grace; Was he always a cheat, or did a pervasive culture of cheating and his drive to win at all costs change his perspective?
The ripple effect is significant: our values impact our decisions, and our decisions shape our future. The company we keep acts as an accelerant, either fuelling our growth or anchoring us in stagnation. Take 10 minutes over the coming days to audit your company; Are you surrounding yourself with individuals who challenge you intellectually, encourage self-improvement, and support your aspirations? Are your relationships providing a source of inspiration and constructive feedback, supporting your emotional wellbeing and helping you navigate life’s challenges with resilience and perspective?
Research shows that having supportive, positive connections boosts mental health, reduces stress, and increases overall happiness. "Tell me who you keep for company, and I will tell you who you are" is more than a simple saying; it’s a guiding principle for intentional living. By choosing our company wisely, we can foster growth, resilience, and fulfilment. In the end, the people we surround ourself with aren’t just a reflection of who we are—they are the architects of who we can become.
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