#138: What’s in a Word..?

The Communicate to Influence Blog

What better way to start the new year than dive straight into some highly usable linguistic techniques that can transform your negotiation outcomes for the year ahead?!

I studied negotiation theory at Harvard Law School and regularly teach negotiation to senior executives. The one question I am asked more than any other is: “Have you read Never Split the Difference”?

Never Split the Difference was written by Chris Voss, an ex-lead hostage negotiator for the FBI. It’s an excellent read and I have been fortunate enough to meet Chris twice on his visits to Dubai. One of the tactics that Chris Voss emphasizes, is the use of "what" questions over "why" questions. As a Harvard-influenced negotiation scholar, this is of particular interest to me because in their groundbreaking 1982 negotiation text “Getting to Yes”, Professors William Ury and Roger Fisher, the founders of the Harvard Project on Negotiation, highlighted the importance of asking “why” questions.

Why questions are not intrinsically bad and are far superior to no question at all. In my experience most negotiators fail to ask effective questions, instead relying on their assumptions and basic questioning which address nothing more than surface positions and facts. Asking “why” allows us to probe beneath the surface and understand the interests driving the positions – this concept has been discussed in past blogs.

On reflection however, “what” questions when asked correctly, can be superior to “why” questions for several reasons:

1. ‘Why’ questions can be perceived as confrontational and create friction between the parties. By asking someone why they did something, we risk putting them on the defensive as they may feel they are being asked to justify their actions. If we ask someone ‘what made you do that?” rather than “why did you do that?”, it is less confrontational as there is a clear path for them to respond in a way that takes the reason outside of themself.

2. In practise, we find that ‘what’ questions encourage dialogue by inviting the other person to share information and engage in problem-solving which in turn fosters a collaborative atmosphere.

3. ‘What’ questions focus on solutions; they steer the conversation towards actions rather than dwelling on motives or justifications and help clarify misunderstandings and gather essential details without implying blame or judgment.

4. Finally, ‘what’ questions can lead to unexpected insights and new ways of thinking about a situation.

Let’s now look at some typical examples of ‘why’ questions we may use in the information gathering phase of a negotiation, and their corresponding ‘what’ questions to demonstrate the differences:

Why are you struggling with this project?

vs.

What are the main challenges you’re facing with this project?

Why is that outcome important to you?

vs.

What outcomes are you hoping to achieve in this negotiation?

Why do you feel you need those resources?

vs.

What resources do you need to move forward?

Why do you find this process difficult?

vs.

What can we do to make this process easier for you?

Why do you view that resolution as successful?

vs.

What would a successful resolution look like for you?

Use these examples to get started and build your database of “what” questions to facilitate more productive and collaborative negotiation discussions!

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