Today’s blog is an ‘out of the box’ linguistic technique you have probably been using most of your life without realising it. The ‘softening frame’ is a technique used to soften the blow of what you are about to say. Any time you have bad news or a difficult message to deliver, you can use a softening frame to make what you have to say more palatable.
There are an infinite number of softening frames. They work in any language and can be used in business, social and personal scenarios. I have included some examples below;
“Please don’t take this the wrong way…”
“I really appreciate everything you have done and that’s why…”
“My sincere wish here is that we find a solution…”
“That’s not our standard policy and…”
“I’d never want to think along these lines…”
The psychology driving the softening frame principle is that by first showing empathy, the message is more likely to be received constructively. There is of course no guarantee; with tough messages there can be collateral damage no matter how you frame your words, however, by softening the delivery you increase the chances of a constructive dialogue and hopefully minimise the emotional response of the receiver.
Using softening frames is also useful when leading people. As a leader you will occasionally have to deliver hard messages and showing empathy is generally recognised as one of the most important traits of leadership. Research suggests that 85% of leadership ability comes from emotional intelligence and only 15% from cognitive ability (ie how well you understand your market or product). There are four main emotional intelligence models used by globally and one thing they all have at their core is the importance of empathy. The softening frame is a simple technique that helps us demonstrate empathy and positions us as a more caring person and leader.
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