During the past 12 years of teaching soft skills, I have developed over 200 modules across many disciplines. Of all those modules, the one on building rapport is the one I have taught more than any other.
I can spend hours talking about the why’s, what’s and how’s of rapport building. The simple and most compelling why is that when people like you, everything is easier. Confirming a meeting, gaining access to information, getting to agreement, resolving disagreements. Whatever it is, if the other person likes you, you are more likely to have a better outcome.
There are many techniques that can be used to build rapport, these are the what’s that you should focus on. Possibly the most powerful single what is commonality. Whenever we perceive another person has something in common with us, an immediate connection is created that can transcend gender, race, culture or socio-economic background.
Let me give you a simple but very true example of the power of establishing commonality;
My late grandfather was a traditional Italian patriarch. He was the head of the family and was hugely respected and loved by all. When I left to live in Asia at the age of 26, it was a first in our family and something difficult for him to equate.
“What are you going to eat in China?” he asked with a tone of voice indicating both frustration and annoyance. In his opinion there were only two staple foods; pasta and pizza, and based on his rudimentary knowledge of China, neither option would be well covered.
The fact that I was moving to Singapore and not China was neither here nor there either; the distinction would have been lost on him anyway! So I replied;
“Nonno” (which is Italian for grandfather), “Italian and Chinese cultures are very similar”
Now I had his attention, gone was the frustration and annoyance which were replaced with genuine curiosity. I continued;
“In both cultures the same three things are most important; family, food and business”
After a few seconds ruminating over this new perspective, my grandfather readily accepted the commonality between the cultures and that I would indeed be able to eat well enough to survive in ‘China’. To his dying day he never asked again about why I lived in Asia or what I ate.
I recount this fond memory often as a perfect example of how establishing commonality can overcome perception, misunderstanding and even prejudice. There is always commonality between any two human beings, it’s just a matter of searching for it. I teach the importance of finding commonality and how to do it to my spa therapists that work in my spas, and to the ivy league educated consultants and bankers that I train. It’s a skill for all.
I could write another 3,000 words of anecdotes and applications on this topic however, I won’t. I’ll finish with the comment that if we take the time to ask questions, listen and find commonality with your fellow human beings, our life will take a turn for the better. In today’s world, we need this now more than ever.
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