The 2022 Wimbledon tennis championship was recently held in London. The final was between Novak Djokovic who won for the 4th consecutive time, and Nick Kyrgios – a surprise finalist (by his own admission!) and an outspoken and often controversial figure.
In the third round, Kyrgios played Stefanos Tsitsipas. It was a heated and ill-tempered affair resulting in Tsitsipas losing his temper and doing things that Kyrgios felt deserved punishment by the umpire. He made his feelings known which further inflamed the situation. Despite being a much higher ranked player, Tsitsipas lost the match.
In the post-match press conference Kyrgios commented “If he’s affected by that today, then that’s what’s holding him back” and while I never expected to be quoting Nick Kyrgios, this is a good summary of the principle of limiting decisions which I will discuss today.
A limiting decision is a decision we make, often unconsciously (ie without knowing it), that is holding us back. From simple thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never be rich”, and “I can’t do it”, to self-doubt and disempowering beliefs, these are all types of limiting decision. The problem with limiting decisions is that they often become self-fulfilling, holding us back from achieving our potential.
Another way of viewing limiting decisions is to consider that some people see life as a constant struggle. They focus on the problems in their life tend to fill their minds with limiting decisions. Others see life as a series of challenges which lead to opportunity and possibility. They don’t allow limiting decisions to crowd their thinking and are constantly searching for solutions. It’s no surprise that the most successful people tend to be the second type of thinker.
Back to our quote from Nick Kyrgios, “If he’s affected by that today, then that’s what’s holding him back”. We can (and should) generalise this to our day-to-day life. We are constantly impacted by our feelings, interactions with other people, challenges to our status quo etc. Whatever it was that was affecting Tsitsipas, by not being able to control his emotions and focus on what was important in the moment (ie the next shot), he lost the match.
Whatever it is that is holding us back is contributing to the losses we experience through life which in turn define our destiny. Whether in business or in love, this is a negative spiral that we need to break out of if we want success. The great news is that all limiting decisions can be removed. If we want to remove them. If you hear someone saying like “that’s how I am, I can’t change”, then there is a limiting decision present in that statement; they have a belief that they cannot change. The first step is to challenge this belief in order to remove the limiting decision.
Limiting decision interventions are not a 3-minute read, but raising awareness of them most definitely is. I hope that now, when you hear someone you care about say what they can’t do, you recognise this as a limiting decision and can discuss it with them. The process of helping others become aware of their thought patterns is extremely powerful. I use this with my children as much as with my work team.
Likewise, be careful how you communicate limitations when speaking with others. Any belief that they cannot succeed which is communicated may be transferred to them and in turn contribute towards the creation of a limiting decision. This principle is at the core of coaching whereby the coach must always believe that the client has the ability to succeed.
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