I was recently told a story about a world famous showman who works with horses. After a performance, he was approached by the personal assistant of a royal Sheikh who had been in the audience and wanted to buy one of his horses.
The showman responded that his horse was not for sale. The personal assistant replied “Sir, you do not understand. My master is a prince, your price is his price”.
The showman answered “please return to your master and ask him if he would sell a member of his family. My horses are my family.”
The personal assistant relayed the message who was both impressed and intrigued by the showman. The horse was never sold and a friendship that has lasted many years between the Sheikh and the showman, was forged based on mutual respect.
This is a true story. It is also an excellent example of resisting temptation and remaining true to your values.
Our values are sacrosanct. They are part of our psychological DNA that we do everything possible to resist betraying. Our values are also very individual. There is no right or wrong; what is acceptable to one person may be unacceptable to another. Not because they are bad or wrong, but because they have different values based on their culture, upbringing, beliefs, personal experiences etc.
When trying to influence someone, your chances of success will be far higher if you align your request with their values. This is easier said than done. It requires a knowledge of your targets values. At a corporate level, values can often be found on the company website or brochure, however simply aligning your communication with something that is publicly available is not always the most powerful influence strategy.
Understand the values of the person with whom you are dealing, what drives them. This is one of the keys to effective influence. However, an understanding of someone is not usually something that can be fast tracked. We need to build a relationship and learn what they consider important; the values that drive their behaviour. One of my clients is a Venture Capitalist that invests in existing funds (a “Fund of Funds VC” for those familiar with the terminology).
The top funds deliver consistently high returns to their investors so it is no surprise that there is a queue of investors wanting to give them money to manage on their behalf. The top funds can literally pick and choose whose money to accept. One of the funds that my VC client wanted to invest in initially refused their money; “We don’t want to make rich people richer” was the fund manager’s stance – he only accepted money from hospital foundations, universities, charities etc.
It was only after two years of relationship building and showing initiatives that the VC had taken in the areas of conservation and sustainability, that the fund manager agreed to accept their money. Another way of analysing this is that, it was only when there was a perceived meeting of values (in the opinion of the fund manager), that he was willing to progress the relationship to the next stage.
If you want to improve your chances with an important client or a key person in your life, learn their values and look to align yourself with them. To do this genuinely and authentically may take time however, when it’s an investment in a long term relationship it’s well worth it!
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