I don’t like to use the word ‘hate’ because it is so loaded with negative energy. However, we all have our ‘pet hates’; things that really annoy us and for which we have little tolerance. One of my pet hates is being interrupted.
I have become more sensitive to people’s interruptions as I have grown more experienced as a communication coach. When you constantly espouse something such as effective communication practises, it tends to make you more sensitive to bad practises such as interrupting. However, just to be clear; I have no problem with the occasional interruption. Sometimes things must be said and when the other person isn’t giving you a chance to speak, you may have no choice but to interrupt. My issue is not with the occasional interruption, it’s with people who constantly interrupt and don’t seem to realise they are doing it.
There are three problems with this. The first is that constant interruption will be perceived as a strong case of self-orientation which basically communicates “what I have to say is more important than what you have to say!”. The second problem with interrupting is that it shows no respect for others and could be taken as an insult depending on the other persons sensitivities or culture. The third reason that interrupting is bad is because it stops the information flow from flowing towards you; when you interrupt you stop listening and when you stop listening, you can’t learn anything about the other side.
Interruption is nothing more than a habit. Often, we are not aware that we are doing it – just like when people say “you know” every 10 seconds. I’ve counted 20 “you knows” in a 90 second pitch and when asking the speaker, they didn’t realise they’d said it once! This is similar to interrupting, people don’t realise they are doing it because people don’t tell them, and they then develop the habit. By definition, habits are unconscious, so we are often unaware that we are doing them.
When you notice someone interrupting, and if you are in a position to tell them (ie a junior colleague, a family member or friend that won’t take offense), do so. You are doing them a favour by helping break a bad habit that is restricting their information flow and giving an impression that they only care about themselves. If the person is not someone you can tell without risk of a negative reaction (a senior colleague, someone you don’t know well enough), it may be wise to choose your time. Once you have built the relationship you will find a way to mention it if the level of interruption is still bothering you.
You may find after reading this article you start to notice when other people interrupt more than you did previously. You will become most astute in observing when a person wants to speak; that raising of the hand, opening of the mouth that closes without speaking etc. This is a good thing because as a consequence of your increased awareness, you will allow others to speak more, and interrupt less yourself with all the benefits this brings as discussed above.
When you do need to interrupt, do so consciously and that means politely. Raise your hand slightly to show you would like to communicate, open with a softening word or phrase such as ‘Excuse me” or “May I add..” Don’t say “I don’t want to interrupt but...” because when you say but, you are immediately contradicting yourself! Remember, “but” is a negator, we think we know what will follow based on what we hear before the word “but” is used.
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