Newton’s third law of motion states that for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. I will take an educated guess that Sir Isaac was not thinking of whether this applied to communication when he defined the rule, however it is as applicable in communication as it is in physics. To demonstrate, let’s return to Dan whom I quoted in my previous blog #50.
You may recall that Dan believed small signs were symptomatic of larger problems. He ‘followed the breadcrumbs’ to understand what was really going on with his employees. If you didn’t read the blog you’ll find it in the archives. In this case, an un-watered plant was symptomatic of a general lack of effort and application from the employee which needed to be dealt with.
Dan then stated that he never ‘fires’ an employee, instead he helps them find their “next step”. When someone isn’t applying themselves fully, there is a reason for it. It may be something that can be fixed to bring the person back on track, such as a distraction that is diverting focus and needs to be removed. In such situations the intervention refocuses the employee and they have a second chance. The problem may however be deeper rooted and require a change in direction, in which case the employee would likely come to realise that it is in their best interests to move on.
Under both scenario’s, Dan is positioning himself as a facilitator of the next step. Dan’s reasoning for this strategy was that “Every time you fire someone, they need to say things about you that justify why they were fired, and those things aren’t normally good” which leads to my application of Newton’s third law with respect to communication: “When you communicate something negative, it will often result in an opposite and likely unequal reaction.”
I accept that this isn’t an exact mapping for Newton’s third law however, there are some important communication take aways from this that we can apply across culture and language. Firstly, people tend not to take criticism and bad news well and often look for opportunities to blame others rather than accept responsibility. If we can position our communication as being part of a solution rather than simply delivering bad news, we are less likely to elicit a defensive response.
For example, reprimanding a teenager for poor grades is likely to result in a defensive response because you are perceived as making a judgement/acting from a position of superiority. The “next step” approach would involve discussing what actions are required to improve the grades, positioning yourself as part of the solution.
Secondly, when someone does respond defensively, they often do so to a more extreme degree than the original communication. We have all experienced this: we say something that is not taken well, however the response is louder, higher pitched and more emotionally charged than what we initially said because the other side reacts emotionally. In my interpretation of Newton’s third law of communication, the force with which a communication is returned can be much more than equal.
Therefore, when you find yourself in a situation where you need to communicate something negative, recognise that the natural response will be defensive and often elevated. To limit the degree to which this happens, use softening frames (blog #16, “Softening the Blow”), control your tone of voice (especially when the other party raises theirs), and look for opportunities to propose a solution rather than focus on the problem itself.
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