Ten years ago when my son was 17 years old, I arranged an interview for him to apply for a summer job at one of the top 5 star hotels in Hong Kong. After the interview I received an email from the General Manager who was a friend, saying he had failed the interview however, since he was my son and it was only for a temporary position, he would still give him the job.
I replied to the email and asked the GM why he had failed. The reply was that he spent half the interview playing on his mobile phone. I was fuming!
That evening when I arrived home I launched into him: “What were you doing playing with your phone?? This makes me look bad, I pulled a favour getting you that interview!”
He looked at me cluelessly and said “What she was saying was really interesting, I was taking notes!”
The difference between being ill-mannered and failing the interview, or a conscientious young man and passing the interview was no more than asking the question “do you mind if I take notes on my iPhone?”
The memory of this story was triggered at a recent HR team training session that I ran for a global investment bank. It seems that little has changed in the past decade since my son’s experience. Older generations still take notes using paper and pen and generally ask for permission, while younger generations use smartphones and assume everyone will know that they are taking notes.
Unfortunately, that is not how it works. If you don’t tell people what you are going to do, or even better ask permission to do so, they will likely assume the worst. We all used to people trying to multi-task and reply to a WhatsApp message or check their social media tags while talking to us, so why should we give the benefit of the doubt to someone we don’t know?
In an interview or work scenario this can have consequences. My son would have lost the opportunity of this valuable work experience. In another scenario it could have been a failed bank loan application or a rejected request to management. Our behaviour is interpreted by others based on what they observe and experience, not based on what your intent is – and that impact us directly.
The message is simple. While we all live in digital world and use of smartphones and tablets is ubiquitous, that doesn't mean we should lose traditional manners – especially when dealing with older generations (I’d say from mid-Millennials onwards, and definitely Gen X and baby boomers). If you are expecting an important email, let them know why you are periodically checking your phone. And if you’re taking notes, tell them that what they are saying is really interesting, and ask if they’d mind if you take notes. On your iPhone!
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