Communication is the basis of all successful rapport. I believe this with every cell in my body. I also believe that our default approach to life (personal and business) should be to develop relationships. While both these beliefs have served me well throughout my personal, social and business life, they don’t always work!
I am currently on vacation in France. Yesterday our neighbours in the apartment next to the one we are renting were returning from the beach at the same time as my wife and I. We said “Hello” to each other and after a small pause, I asked “Where are you from?”
“Germany” was one word response I received.
After another short pause it was clear there was no interest from the other side to take the discussion further.
“That was a quick conversation!” my wife smiled.
Sometimes our efforts to build rapport are not reciprocated. It’s ok. Many people ask me what the consequences of your advances being rejected in business could be. In my opinion, as long as you pick up on the message that the other side isn’t interested and don’t persist to try and build a relationship where it’s not welcome, the downside is close to zero.
Let me give a work-related example.
I try to never go straight to business in client discussions – whether a new relationship or an existing one. I always look to build or re-establish rapport. Sometimes the client doesn’t have time to have a social discussion, so they’ll respond curtly if at all, and then go straight to business. That’s fine. Take that cue and switch to business.
Yesterday I had a call with a new client whom I am yet to meet in person and close to finalizing a first deal with. We have been in contact for approx. 3 months and this call was to finalise details for the sales training I will be running for his teams. The client started by asking me how my summer was going and then switched to discuss business using the sentence “OK, I don’t want to take too much of your time...” however, since we had already discussed my summer, I felt it only right that I reciprocated the interest so I pushed back “How about you, what are your summer plans..?”
In the following two minutes I not only learnt where he was going, but where he grew up and where his family live – Mauritius, a paradise I have yet to visit but now know someone who can give me insider tips.
If he hadn’t wanted to share this information, I don’t think it would have risked the deal or our emerging relationship. People often over exaggerate the downside when trying to build rapport and by doing so rob themselves of the chance to build a deeper connection. Don’t fall into that trap.
I doubt I’ll get to know my current German neighbours but fortunately I have many German friends that I consider to be amongst my very best, so in signing off on a politically correct note, I am not suggesting or stereotyping German’s as being unfriendly!
*** I have recently started an Instagram account called “softskillsexpert” where I post short form videos, quick tips, useful quotations and other items if use related to soft skills. Please follow me on the following link! https://instagram.com/softskillsexpert?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
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